May 18, 2011

King Dream

I had trouble getting to sleep the other night, and when I did I had a weird dream.  But weird dreams are normal for me, so I guess it was a normal dream.

First, I was a king.

Then I was on a mountain with my loyal retainers and a native kidnapped me!

I don't think the kidnapper's village knew I was a king.  My kidnapper put me in a room of his house with some others and told us to stay while he went to take care of some business in another room.  All the rooms in his house had doorways but no doors, and most of the other natives in the village had gone hunting, so there was absolutely no reason we couldn't just walk out.

I didn't stay, but I had some trouble getting away once out of the house.  For one thing, I chose to run away outside a window where he could see me.  For another, I had that slow-motion movement deal that you get in dreams, so I picked up one of many ladders leaning against a tree (for a tree-house, so it wasn't just a random ladder) to use as a cane, thinking that would make me move faster.  And finally, I didn't run into the conveniently nearby woods until he saw me.

Obviously, I was noticed and pursued into the woods (after ineffectively tossing the ladder behind me to slow them down).  By now I was myself and not a king anymore.

Soon enough, I ran into a house buried in the deep woods (that had really crappy decor) and hit the laundry room.  My cats were there!  I tried to find a way out, but the first door I tried was locked!

My pursuers arrived!  One of them, who had become a crazy mountain man instead of a native tracker, threatened to shoot my cats with a crossbow if I didn't give myself up and go back with them!

It had become a full-fledged nightmare.

Luckily, I woke up with a full bladder at this point.  On returning blearily to bed from the bathroom, I decided to create my own ending.  I was still mostly asleep, which is probably how I managed to concoct the ending I came up with.  My awake brain could never have done it.

Instead of the mountain man killing one of my cats (I'm thinking Alice, as she'd be right there, probably purring), I managed to make him shoot himself in the foot with the crossbow, grabbed both my cats while he howled in pain, and ran out of the laundry room door into the deep forest with my babies under either arm.

Just ahead of me, I saw a huge green hedge and an elaborate arched doorway of greenery that I ran up to and the plants separated to let me through.

Inside was the following:

A kitty haven that only girls could enter.  And overseeing the kitty haven?  My favorite My Little Pony, Wind Whistler, who was willing to fly anyone (and their kitties) safely home on her magic pony back.

I didn't quite get this far because I fell asleep again, but I'm thinking that inside the haven, no one either human or kitty has to poop ever and the weather is always pretty and all the kitties are spayed and neutered and hairballs don't exist and neither do bugs except for the pretty ones like butterflies and kitties never ever lose their toys ever.


  1. You know that if you don't poop it eventually backs up in your system and either 1) kills you or 2) comes out your mouth?

  2. *facepalm* Jon, I don't think you understand the logic of this garden haven. It has My Little Ponies in it. Obviously, any other magical properties won't inconvenience anybody. There are no side effects in magical girl and kitty gardens.

    Plus, ew. That's gross.