Preg-o vs The Crabinator

Sent this in an email to Alex the other day:

Today on the adventures of Preg-o vs The Crabinator, Preg-o dragged Crabinator from the car as he fought every step of the way to get back to his car seat and strap himself in. Preg-o gave Crabinator a 1-2-3 knockdown but Crabinator retaliated by collapsing bodily on the sidewalk. Preg-o, not to be defeated, carried Crabinator bodily into the house, where he had an immediate turn in the penalty box. Crabinator then refused to eat, and Preg-o got some medicine in him. Preg-o won the battle over the "oval" and sat on her winnings like a bloated hemorrhoidal queen. Crabinator finished the final round by pooping himself and making Preg-o change it, but the judges confirm that Preg-o wins the match the moment Crabinator gives in and goes to sleep in his crib.
We'll keep the audience updated on who wins the afternoon.

It was me.  I won.